im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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