I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
