we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
