It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
