I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
