I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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