She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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