i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
