i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
