There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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