I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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