Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's the barista slut.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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