Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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