; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
