We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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