He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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