I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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