one might say we're banned from that church
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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