My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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