I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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