I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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