just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
