I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
did you just send me my own nude
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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