Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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