but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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