I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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