I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
