I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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