That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
