How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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