# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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