Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
