did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
