you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As shirtless as possible
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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