he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize