i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
