Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize