So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
