Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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