brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why do cheetos always look like penises
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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