how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
