farters have to be the big spoon...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
