YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
