this just has baby written all over it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
