defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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