Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
