Swine flu is the new snow day.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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