it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
