I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
