So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
