No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
