remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need to calm my uterus...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
