The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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