a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
