We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
