New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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