ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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