I wannas sexs uuuuu
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
