I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
