THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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