You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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