i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
