i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Never underestimate the power of titties
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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