peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
