Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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