I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
