Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
