I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
